I Asked Myself the Same Question 80 Times Today
On rumination, intrusive thoughts, and the mental compulsion loop that won't quit.
About the author: Jenna Overbaugh has been treating OCD and anxiety since 2008, and has had it basically her whole life. She’s worked with some of the most severe, life-consuming cases out there, quit her job in 2023 to teach people all over the world how to be their own therapist, and has a book coming out in 2027. She’s been terrified for most of her life and keeps doing the things anyway, and she’s going to show you how to build a life so big and so bold that OCD and anxiety just can’t keep up. She runs on chai tea and the conviction that this is possible for you, too.
Today was supposed to be a good day. Was not, in fact, a good day.
Beautiful weather. Had a plan. Gym, podcast, productive Saturday, the whole thing. And then somewhere in the middle of my workout, something triggered me. I got pulled straight back into the past. And I want to walk you through what’s happened since, because I’m literally still in it as I type this. This isn’t a “here’s what I learned” post. This is a “it is currently four hours later and I am still working through this” post.
Here’s the timeline, if you’re into timelines (I am, it’s the Enneagram 8 in me, I like to know exactly how bad things got and when).
I noticed the trigger. Felt uncomfortable. Did the thing I tell everyone to do - didn’t give it airtime, kept moving, put my audiobook back on like nothing happened. Great. Very proud of past-me from like nine this morning.
Except then I couldn’t follow a single sentence of that audiobook. I got SO frustrated. I noticed I was getting pulled somewhere else entirely, letting this trigger steal my attention even while I was “trying” not to let it. And now it’s four hours later and it’s eaten my whole morning. The stuff I normally do on a Saturday - a little catch-up work, time with my family, my physical therapy - none of it has happened the way it usually does. I feel slower. Physically AND mentally. Because I’ve spent the morning playing tug of war with my own brain.
